Learning to Love Fear

I wrote this all the way back in May of this year, and stumbled upon it again today. I’ve added a few bits and pieces, but the message remains the same: face your fear and heal your fear with love.

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Fear holds us back. The fear of failure, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of living with regret, the fear of not living, the fear of love, the fear of uncertainty.

Fear, fear, fear.

A four lettered word that holds extraordinary power over us.  A four lettered word that holds us back from our true selves.

“Fear is not your enemy. It’s a compass pointing to the areas where you need to grow.” ~ Steve Pavlina.

Fear stems from uncertainty, which leads us to living contently rather than blissfully. Don’t get me wrong, being content is nice, but it’s just that: nice. Bliss however…now that would be amazing, wouldn’t it? To live in a perpetual ecstasy and to know and feel connection to everything and everyone.

We may be content because we’re comfortable with life – I’m certainly comfortable with my life at the moment, but as comforting as comfortable is, it’s a tad boring. A bit stagnant.

I’m not happy with content – for now it’s a stepping stone, a place of peace before hard work commences for me to reach a state of bliss.

I call this stage of my life ‘naptime’. I’m resting.

That’s not to say I’m doing nothing, but I’m seeing this as an opportunity to do some reading, start thinking and getting some clarity on my beliefs, on myself. I see this as preparation time. For what, I’m not really too sure.

I’m on a journey to discover who I am, what talents and abilities I’ve brought with me in this life and how can I utilise them to make the world a better place and to help people.

But a part of me wonders if I’m using this ‘naptime’ as an excuse. By labelling it I’ve already negated it. I’ve already decided that for now contentment is my life. Have I decided this because deep down I actually fear moving forward?


But in all honesty I like this ‘naptime’. It’s giving me the opportunity to build on my talents and discover things about myself.

I’ve discovered how free I am in a social sense. For example, I’m not tied down by a mortgage, I don’t have children to think about, I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard, good friends etc.

I trust that I’ll learn all I’m supposed to, but it may take a while. I’m hoping I’ll have a moment where I suddenly ‘get it’. Does that seem too easy? It seems to happen for other people, so why not me? Why not you?

I fear fear. I fear suffering and yet I know suffering in some form is inevitable. I’m going to experience it. I already have.

I made it though.

So why fear it?

Because I already know it. I know how horrible it is. I know how it can leave you feeling hopeless, depleted, alone. But that’s me living in the past – it’s already happened. I find it interesting that we always remember that a situation was painful, but we can never really remember the sensation of pain. We know it hurt, but until we go through it again we can’t produce those sensations again.

Living in this constant state of fear is exhausting. It leads me to daydreaming of the future which means I have expectations – which are probably higher than they should be; and we all know the best things happen when we least expect it and in a way that we least expect.

I also know that my future will happen so I should relax.

Be here. Be now. Live in the present moment and appreciate the little things.


“Express yourself to your deepest fear, after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” ~ Jim Morrison

The way to tackle fear is to face it head on. Challenge it and be in a state of fear, because when you overcome it and see yourself on the other side you’ll realise fear holds no power. It’s an emotionally debilitating construct built into the ego and further solidified by society’s rules and expectations of who you ‘should’ be.

Deep down, you know you’re more than that.

You know that society is just an idea, a set of ideals forced onto us to keep us in a chaos of conformity.

You already know what it is to be free, you’ve just forgotten. And when you start to remember, fear pops up and tells you to stop because how can you be free in a world that ridicules such notions? How can you be free in a world that condemns those with a voice? How can you possibly achieve freedom in a society that prefers to educate its citizens into mindlessness; a society that uses words such as ‘freedom’ as camouflage for control?

In the Western world we need to learn to dismantle the fear. We need to confront it rather than delude it and look within to be able to find the key to realise our limitless existence.

Fear, like any other emotion, should be treated with love. The fear is still a part of us. It’s no use burying the fear and hoping it will go away, because like all things, it will catch up with you.

So, I say, take a deep breath and look your fear(s) straight in the eyes and let it take over you.


Look at that – fear of confronting fear.

Your ego is trying its hardest to keep you complacent and content, when you could be living in ecstatic happiness and bliss.

To begin to heal you must first see the wound for all it is. If you need to cry: cry; if you need to scream and shout: scream and shout; if you need to laugh: laugh. Get angry, get sad.

“To come to your senses you have to go out of your mind”. ~ Alan Watts

And trust me, there have been times where I’ve questioned my own sanity.

If you allow it, fear will become a destructive force in your life. We think we’re being selfless by sacrificing our happiness to keep other people safe and happy and to give them what they want, but it’s selfish.

It’s selfish to ourselves. By not looking after ourselves, and repressing our dreams we’re causing ourselves great harm. And what usually holds you back is the fear of how others will react if you do what makes you happy.

To change the external one must concentrate on the internal for a while.

Whoever truly loves you will stick by you no matter what. And yes, you may lose friends, but you’ll gain so much more. You’ll have gained a new beginning – one where you’re the creator of your life; you can manifest anything you want and be anyone you want.

You become limitless and free.

Through the suffering that will come with fear, will also come great clarity. You’ll realise the truth – but it’ll annoy you first and you’ll be in a state of denial for however long you decide to be there.

You’ll perceive the world – and yourself – through new eyes.

Confronting fear involves sacrificing all the barriers you’ve constructed and allowing love to reach into the rawness of who you are. It means letting yourself become vulnerable and liking it – in fact, LOVING it.

It’s you after all and you are love, you love, and others love you.

Become vulnerable and let those monsters out of the cage. Let them do their best to scare you, to make you feel uncomfortable, but stand your ground, lay down the rules and tell them to f*** off.

You don’t need the monsters. They only hold you back and trap you.

Through fear I’ve learned that I’m still me. No matter what happens I’m still there. I’ve learned where my strengths and weaknesses lay. I’ve also learned perseverance which is a big deal for me because usually if something got too hard or too boring I’d move on to something else.

I’m evolving and growing.

But, I think naptime is over.

It’s time for me to wake up and do something with my life.

Which is why this week I’ve actively decided to let go. Float a little and see where the current of life takes me. I’ve set my intentions and now I need to stop interfering with my own life and let the universe do its thing!

It’s not easy and sometimes I wonder if it’s actually going to work. Then I think back to the moments when I did go with the flow, and when I simply set intentions and carried on with life, and life happened. The universe brought me those lemons.

Don’t be afraid of fear. Don’t be afraid to do what you want and to be who you know you are.


Be happy. Be you.


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